As we all know, often from painful experience, AT&T has a terrible network. So terrible, it had to buy an entire other carrier just to get up to speed on 4G. Unfortunately, until that happens, there needs to be other solutions, especially since iPhone customers are jumping ship to Verizon left and right. So AT&T has to get proactive to keep those profitable customers and boost its network.

So, free femtocells for everyone!

Yes, if you’re an iPhone or an iPad customer, you’re getting a free femtocell…whether you want one or not. AT&T is giving you one for free, but installing it is mandatory.

“Sure, we made billions off the iPhone, but why should we invest that in our network? What are you going to do? Go to Sprint?” guffawed an anonymous AT&T employee. “We just made ten million of these femtocells and made it part of your contract retroactively. That’ll solve the calling problems.”

But what happens when AT&T customers inevitably quit the carrier? “Who would do that? Besides, you have to glue them somewhere that they can boost the signal, and the glue is permanent.” said the anonymous employee.

So, there you have it. Enjoy your femtocell.

Oh, and April Fools!